Life, Time, and Dimensions

2011 is just around the corner and there is a lot to do and a lot to think about. We finally have our temporary home in place in Rodeo, New Mexico. Del is retiring in one month. My 57th birthday is around the corner.

Our property is a blank canvass. We are making it our final home and it will be our oasis in the desert when we get everything done that we want to do. Building a chicken coop for laying hens is the first order of business. After that, a dog run. After that, a greenhouse. After that preparing a small garden area and planting a few fruit and nut trees. After that, hog and goat pens. When we sell one of our other homes we will begin construction on a house. Fortunately, we enjoy doing those types of projects, and having a tiny farm is what we always wanted to do together.

Del is retiring next month and we are looking forward to that. He will probably continue to work one day each week as that will help financially, at least for a while. He loves his work, but we've grown weary of living separately half of every week. There is also a lot to do and I work full time, so he will be more available to help us toward our goals.

My birthday is in February. I believe I have passed middle age. What does one call the age past middle age, but before being elderly? Aging has been reasonably graceful for me, though I did struggle with it a few years ago. I try to look at things in a positive light as much as possible. The years have given me great experiences and I am more multidimensional at my current age than in my younger years. My skin is changing and I have more wrinkles, but the most beautiful woman I ever knew, my grandmother, had many wrinkles. I've been blessed with grandchildren and a great granddaughter and that would not have occurred without the passing of time and the aging of our children. I certainly have more aches and pains, but I am able to do everything I want to do. I guess I can say I've made peace with the idea of aging gracefully.

Still, I'm not yet as settled as I believed I would be at this point in my life, but I'm working on it. In our younger years we were fearless. That led us to many great adventures. Starting a new home is something we are much more cautious in planning as we have less time to recover from making mistakes. We have determined that we will move forward only as quickly as is enjoyable and comfortable. We are grateful to be doing something we always wanted to do, though much later than we had hoped. We feel solid and happy in our marriage of 32 years, so we are settled in that regard. I am content and satisfied in my work, so I am settled in that way. Perhaps I am more settled than I realized.

I am happy to be a wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, health care provider, and friend. I wish, sometimes, that others could know the fearless, young, creative, hippie girl that is also in me. Perhaps settling in to our new home and style of living will help me be more free and able to express that side of myself so I can become truly multidimensional.

Thanksgiving and Grandma

Today is Thanksgiving, a time to take stock of all for which I am grateful. I am grateful for many blessings including my husband, children, grandchildren, friends, work, health, and freedom. I appreciate the earth, nature, and all that is good.

Around the holidays I think of someone who was and is very special in my life, Grandma Woods. I am especially grateful she was in my life. She was my mentor, though she may not have realized it. She was my rock and my inspiration.

Grandma did not have a formal education and she spent her life raising eight children and she also raised some of her grandchildren. For many years she washed clothing on a washboard and then a wringer washer. As she aged her fingers were knotty and her spine crunched and popped when she changed position. She gardened in what I now realize was a very small area, just a large yard in town. She raised wonderful vegetables and she canned. She baked in her little kitchen and shared her baked and canned goods. One could not visit her home without leaving with a large bag of home canned foods, cookies, and fresh vegetables.

There was always room at Grandma's house. If one visited during dinner time they were her guest. There was always enough to be shared even though Grandma and Grandpa were not people of means. There would be a place set for all who were there and she made certain all had enough to eat. She never judged who may or may not be worthy of her generosity. All were treated as welcome guests.

Grandma taught me how to bake, can food, do laundry, to make jellies and jams, and sew. She taught me how to make simple quilts. Most of all Grandma taught me how to be self sufficient, how to work hard with joy in my heart, how to appreciate growing things, how to take joy in growing flowers, how to appreciate the fragrance of line dried clothes, how to treat all people without judgment and as guests, how to be generous, and how important it is to be a loving grandmother.

I remember my beautiful grandmother every day and if I am even a little bit like her as a woman and as a grandmother I will have honored her memory.

Mini Farm Soon

I'm growing more anxious every day to move to our property near Rodeo, New Mexico. The well is in and the electric and septic will be in within two weeks. After that our spot for our temporary living quarters and circle drive will be prepared. It won't be very much longer, but I'm beginning to feel like a child waiting for Christmas morning.

It is a small piece of property at ten acres compared to the large ranches of the area that are measured in sections. It will be enough for what we want to do. Knowing what is enough is something I've gotten better at determining as I age. Ten acres will be plenty.

Del and Dan dismantled our modular, failed dog run a couple of days ago and it is going to be recycled into a chicken pen. I'm glad I had the foresight to design it so it would be easy to dismantle and move. We have the materials for building the coop and nest boxes. Farm fresh eggs are first on the agenda after our move.

We have a lot to do this winter. The list is long. Fence a garden space, build a pump house, build a greenhouse, plant trees, move in a container to convert into a shop, build a dog kennel that will keep our dogs safe from predators and keep them contained (we have one that is a master escape artist), build a footbridge over the wash to the back strip of property, and get our house ready to put on the market in the spring. My lists usually are longer than what I can accomplish, but we'll give it our best shot. Fortunately, Del retires in February so we'll be able to work together on this list.

I experience childlike joy when I gather eggs, dig up a potato, or fill our freezer with meat that is organic and raised humanely. It is my belief that if an animal gives up their life for our food they should be as comfortable and content as possible during their lives. I prefer raising food organically as much as possible.

As you can see from the photo we will have to learn how to enhance the soil for our gardens and trees. We have a lot to learn about that. The land is slightly sloping westward. I'll learn how to test soil and what to do to make it right for the plants we plan to grow. There are many good people in the area who will probably be willing to teach us about that.

We are coming full circle. More than 32 years ago we shared a goal of living in the country and raising as much of our own food as possible. We have made a few attempts at that through the years, but it wasn't the right time. Still, we learned how and how not to raise chickens, hogs, corn, and tomatoes. One of my greatest lessons was that proper fencing is a must. It is not much fun to chase hogs. We always built the pens too large and didn't have enough money to build such large pens to the standards required to keep the animals in the pens. Live and learn.

The events in our lives led to making our home in New Mexico for which we are grateful. Now is the right time and the right place. We are looking forward to it, and now we have grandchildren with whom we can share our harvests and our love of country living.

We are open to advice.........

Lessons from Grandma

My grandmother once told me that the older I got, the faster time would pass. Like everything else she told me, it is true. Days flew by, then weeks flew by, and now months fly by so quickly that it is dizzying.

As I had likely passed the mid-point of my life I had begun to bemoan the time that had come and gone so quickly, as though that time is lost forever. It is not that I fear death in my future. That is inevitable and I feel that I have come to terms with the fact that death comes to all mortal beings. Rather, it was that time seemed as though it was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, never to be recovered.

I have conversations with myself while driving. The issue was that I came to the realization that the passage of time was something I have no control over, and the thoughts I was having about it were distracting me from some of the joy in my life.

My grandmother, who never drank a drop of alcohol in her life, often recited the Serenity Prayer as she did housework. When I was a child I often wondered why she recited that prayer because I knew it was the prayer those who were battling alcoholism, recited during recovery and then throughout their lives. As an adult I have found that prayer a good reminder for many situations. Grandmother was right to recite the prayer and unknowingly show the value of it to me.

The acceptance of the lack of control over the passage of time, however, did little to make me feel better about it. My conversation with myself continued. If I can not change it, then how can I feel better about it? Then the thought came to me that if I can not do anything about the passage of time, I can choose how I view it or feel about it.

This is how I now view it and feel about it. As time passes I gain a variety of experiences, and I get to keep the memories of those experiences. Without the passage of time I could not have the experiences or the memories. They are gifts, small and large. They are moments and they are lifetimes.

More than before I treasure the moments and memories they give me. A smile or an expression of gratitude, holding our grandchildren, having dinner with my sons and their families, a hug, a pretty flower, a kiss from my husband, a funny joke with laughter, a breeze against my cheek, a beautiful song, a colorful sunset, and all that happens that is good and joyful.

My grandmother may be gone, but she still teaches me great lessons. Thank you, Grandma.

Journey

"...it's the journey that matters..."

Quote by Ernest Hemmingway

My musings for 7/5/2010

Early in life I imagined my journey would be like a freeway trip from one place to another. Instead it is more like a series of country roads, over hills, through valleys, and across vast expanses, with several crossroads along the way. What excellent adventures I've had! I've had few, if any, regrets because each twist and turn resulted in rewards or learning experiences. I'd like to take credit for excellent planning, but there has been some good fortune along the way.

Aging has its benefits. I find I am much less unsettled by unexpected events. When unexpected events occur I may initially feel unsettled, but I quickly remember that most things that happen lead to something interesting or exciting, or meant to be. Often I have looked back in amazement at a series of unplanned or unexpected events that led to something wonderful. I have come to embrace curious events and the journey that ensues. There is definitely a spiritual aspect to it.

The most enjoyable part of my journey through life has been my journey with my family. Del, my husband, and I met at the right time and the right place and in the right circumstances for both of us. We are best friends. We have made a beautiful family, faced many challenges, and shared many joys. Our journey together through life is a wonderful gift. Our sons are incredible, and I'm happy to say that they are our friends as well as our sons. Being a grandparent is an amazing experience. Watching our grandchildren begin their own journeys is a great joy. I am grateful for my family in my journey in this life with them.

Sometimes my husband apologizes for moving us several times in our early marriage. I always tell him that we have had some great experiences and seen some great places as a result of those moves. We wouldn't have ended up in the Southwest if we hadn't made those moves. This is where we belong, where our children are settled, and where the weather suits my clothes, to take a quote Midnight Cowboy. Along the way we lived in beautiful mountains of Northeast Oregon, the wilds of Alaska, and finally to the wide open spaces of the Southwest. I would not have wanted anything different to have happened. Sure, it would have been easier and less risky to have stayed where we were in Western Oregon, but then we wouldn't have had some of the adventures or seen some of the wonderful places and met some interesting people along the way.

My career was less adventuresome, but there was a journey. I began working as a nurses aide in my teens, then I was an RN for several years. While our children were still young I wanted to go back to school to become a Family Practice physician assistant. My husband and children supported me in that decision. It was difficult because we changed from living on two incomes to living on one income, and my time and efforts were consumed by the rigorous education and training. As with other parts of my life's journey, it was part of destiny. I initially was uncertain of where I wanted to work as a PA, but I quickly learned that rural medicine was my calling. That is what I do and what I love doing. Caring for families who have chosen a rural lifestyle suits me and I truly see it as a calling rather than a job. I feel blessed to do that kind of work.

My interest in a variety of arts and crafts is another part of my journey. I find such joy in many different arts and crafts that I am not expert in any of them. Learning as much as I can about a particular art or craft when I'm feeling inspired to do so is fun, and then having the courage to try something new is great. The only down side has been the cost of starting so many different interests, but that has been worth it. If I feel like painting and I have the time, I paint. If I feel like building something and I have the time, we build it. I find it relaxing and fun. I think that finding those moments in ones journey is important.

It appears that the next part of our journey is to relocate to Southwest New Mexico where I'll be working most days each week. As far as I can predict that will be our last stop in terms of location. I'm looking forward to gardening, raising chickens, and maybe raising a hog or a steer. I like to live a simple life. I've grown to want the simplest life possible. I'm grateful for what we have. It gives me peace in this journey to have what we need and not to have a burning desire to have the biggest, the most, the best, or the fanciest. It's ok with me if other people strive for those things. They just aren't important to me because my journey is about relationships and nature, not things.

It hasn't been a freeway from one destination to another. My journey has been much more interesting than that, and I look forward to the rest of my journey.