View of Smoke from Fire

A lot of wind, and smoke from the Horseshoe #2 fire near Portal, Arizona. View from our home. The wind has made gardening a challenge, but it is our first year here and we will learn for next year. We aren't giving up. We are recycling used tires for windbreak and some shade for the plants. Our hens should begin laying eggs any day now. We have eight hogs that are doing well. We are deciding if we want to wait until next year to raise goats. It doesn't look like much, but we have done a lot in just five months.

Step by Step

I haven't posted lately because we have been so busy! We built a nice coop and pen for our first step in tiny farming, and we have 100 chicks. All 100 are healthy and doing well. In a few months we'll be feasting on organic eggs from happy hens. We'll share healthy, tasty eggs with our immediate family and sell the rest.

Next is the garden and the dog pen. We are making all raised beds with kids swimming pools on stacked tires. That will reduce the bending and worries about grabbing a rattlesnake instead of a vegetable! It will be fenced, too. Have to keep the desert critters out of the garden.

After that is the pump house. A lot of work, but a lot of fun, too.

A Special Happy Birthday to Dan!

30 years ago tomorrow our middle son, Dan, was born in Portland, Oregon. He is an extraordinary young man and I am grateful to have him in my life. I am going to share our story of a very special January 2, 1981.

After Del and I married in 1978 we believed that adding to our family would be as easy as falling off a log because we had each had a child without difficulty in our previous marriages, but that was not to be the case. After well over one year, and thanks to modern medicine, we conceived. It was the same month Mt. St. Helens erupted and we were living in Oregon at the time. I distinctly recall hearing it. In any case, it seems an interesting coincidence.

All seemed well and we were thrilled to be expecting. Weeks and then months passed without a hitch. I was a nurse at the time and one fateful evening Del was driving me to work when I realized something was terribly wrong. I was overwhelmed with panic and Del sped to the hospital to take me there as a patient instead of my going to work there that night. I could not believe that after waiting so long, wishing so hard, and praying so much that we might lose our child. I was only 24 weeks along. In my mind I was crying, "No, no, no, please no!"

At the hospital they put me in the ambulance and transported me across town to their larger hospital where I was whisked into the Labor and Delivery Unit, where they began giving me blood transfusions, and then they took me to radiology for an ultrasound. Thirty years ago ultrasounds were done in emergencies or special situations, not done routinely as they are today. I was diagnosed with a complete placenta previa which means the placenta was over the opening leaving the uterus rather than on the inside wall of the uterus, much like a drain plug in a bath tub, and it was bleeding. If it kept bleeding faster than they could give blood to me they would be forced to deliver our baby by emergency C section or take the risk of losing both of us. Del and I were both terrified.

The hemorrhaging stopped temporarily, and I had to stay in the hospital where I would remain until Dan was born by C section, and our hope was that we could delay that until he had a reasonable chance of survival.

I was in the hospital, on bed rest the majority of the stay, for 67 days over which time it would happen three more times. I could not be any farther than minutes from the labor and delivery operating room. During those 67 days we were on a roller coaster ride of terror and hope. Each time just when we believed surgery was inevitable we were blessed with an opportunity to wait a while longer.

Del was incredible. He worked, cared for our eldest, David, and visited me every day. We lived far out in the country so that was not an easy feat. We visited the neonatal intensive care unit together to prepare ourselves should delivery have to be sooner than we hoped.

We made it to just four weeks shy of the due date for which we remain grateful, and they scheduled the surgery. Dan was delivered safely and did not require admission to the NICU. We were elated.

At this time of every year I think of our incredible good fortune of having Dan in our family, how wonderful my husband and eldest son were to me through the terrifying ordeal, how fantastic the doctors and nurses were in caring for us, and how blessed we are as a family.

New Years Day has had a very special meaning to me for thirty years. Happy New Years Day, and a special Happy Birthday to Dan!

Life, Time, and Dimensions

2011 is just around the corner and there is a lot to do and a lot to think about. We finally have our temporary home in place in Rodeo, New Mexico. Del is retiring in one month. My 57th birthday is around the corner.

Our property is a blank canvass. We are making it our final home and it will be our oasis in the desert when we get everything done that we want to do. Building a chicken coop for laying hens is the first order of business. After that, a dog run. After that, a greenhouse. After that preparing a small garden area and planting a few fruit and nut trees. After that, hog and goat pens. When we sell one of our other homes we will begin construction on a house. Fortunately, we enjoy doing those types of projects, and having a tiny farm is what we always wanted to do together.

Del is retiring next month and we are looking forward to that. He will probably continue to work one day each week as that will help financially, at least for a while. He loves his work, but we've grown weary of living separately half of every week. There is also a lot to do and I work full time, so he will be more available to help us toward our goals.

My birthday is in February. I believe I have passed middle age. What does one call the age past middle age, but before being elderly? Aging has been reasonably graceful for me, though I did struggle with it a few years ago. I try to look at things in a positive light as much as possible. The years have given me great experiences and I am more multidimensional at my current age than in my younger years. My skin is changing and I have more wrinkles, but the most beautiful woman I ever knew, my grandmother, had many wrinkles. I've been blessed with grandchildren and a great granddaughter and that would not have occurred without the passing of time and the aging of our children. I certainly have more aches and pains, but I am able to do everything I want to do. I guess I can say I've made peace with the idea of aging gracefully.

Still, I'm not yet as settled as I believed I would be at this point in my life, but I'm working on it. In our younger years we were fearless. That led us to many great adventures. Starting a new home is something we are much more cautious in planning as we have less time to recover from making mistakes. We have determined that we will move forward only as quickly as is enjoyable and comfortable. We are grateful to be doing something we always wanted to do, though much later than we had hoped. We feel solid and happy in our marriage of 32 years, so we are settled in that regard. I am content and satisfied in my work, so I am settled in that way. Perhaps I am more settled than I realized.

I am happy to be a wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, health care provider, and friend. I wish, sometimes, that others could know the fearless, young, creative, hippie girl that is also in me. Perhaps settling in to our new home and style of living will help me be more free and able to express that side of myself so I can become truly multidimensional.

Thanksgiving and Grandma

Today is Thanksgiving, a time to take stock of all for which I am grateful. I am grateful for many blessings including my husband, children, grandchildren, friends, work, health, and freedom. I appreciate the earth, nature, and all that is good.

Around the holidays I think of someone who was and is very special in my life, Grandma Woods. I am especially grateful she was in my life. She was my mentor, though she may not have realized it. She was my rock and my inspiration.

Grandma did not have a formal education and she spent her life raising eight children and she also raised some of her grandchildren. For many years she washed clothing on a washboard and then a wringer washer. As she aged her fingers were knotty and her spine crunched and popped when she changed position. She gardened in what I now realize was a very small area, just a large yard in town. She raised wonderful vegetables and she canned. She baked in her little kitchen and shared her baked and canned goods. One could not visit her home without leaving with a large bag of home canned foods, cookies, and fresh vegetables.

There was always room at Grandma's house. If one visited during dinner time they were her guest. There was always enough to be shared even though Grandma and Grandpa were not people of means. There would be a place set for all who were there and she made certain all had enough to eat. She never judged who may or may not be worthy of her generosity. All were treated as welcome guests.

Grandma taught me how to bake, can food, do laundry, to make jellies and jams, and sew. She taught me how to make simple quilts. Most of all Grandma taught me how to be self sufficient, how to work hard with joy in my heart, how to appreciate growing things, how to take joy in growing flowers, how to appreciate the fragrance of line dried clothes, how to treat all people without judgment and as guests, how to be generous, and how important it is to be a loving grandmother.

I remember my beautiful grandmother every day and if I am even a little bit like her as a woman and as a grandmother I will have honored her memory.

Mini Farm Soon

I'm growing more anxious every day to move to our property near Rodeo, New Mexico. The well is in and the electric and septic will be in within two weeks. After that our spot for our temporary living quarters and circle drive will be prepared. It won't be very much longer, but I'm beginning to feel like a child waiting for Christmas morning.

It is a small piece of property at ten acres compared to the large ranches of the area that are measured in sections. It will be enough for what we want to do. Knowing what is enough is something I've gotten better at determining as I age. Ten acres will be plenty.

Del and Dan dismantled our modular, failed dog run a couple of days ago and it is going to be recycled into a chicken pen. I'm glad I had the foresight to design it so it would be easy to dismantle and move. We have the materials for building the coop and nest boxes. Farm fresh eggs are first on the agenda after our move.

We have a lot to do this winter. The list is long. Fence a garden space, build a pump house, build a greenhouse, plant trees, move in a container to convert into a shop, build a dog kennel that will keep our dogs safe from predators and keep them contained (we have one that is a master escape artist), build a footbridge over the wash to the back strip of property, and get our house ready to put on the market in the spring. My lists usually are longer than what I can accomplish, but we'll give it our best shot. Fortunately, Del retires in February so we'll be able to work together on this list.

I experience childlike joy when I gather eggs, dig up a potato, or fill our freezer with meat that is organic and raised humanely. It is my belief that if an animal gives up their life for our food they should be as comfortable and content as possible during their lives. I prefer raising food organically as much as possible.

As you can see from the photo we will have to learn how to enhance the soil for our gardens and trees. We have a lot to learn about that. The land is slightly sloping westward. I'll learn how to test soil and what to do to make it right for the plants we plan to grow. There are many good people in the area who will probably be willing to teach us about that.

We are coming full circle. More than 32 years ago we shared a goal of living in the country and raising as much of our own food as possible. We have made a few attempts at that through the years, but it wasn't the right time. Still, we learned how and how not to raise chickens, hogs, corn, and tomatoes. One of my greatest lessons was that proper fencing is a must. It is not much fun to chase hogs. We always built the pens too large and didn't have enough money to build such large pens to the standards required to keep the animals in the pens. Live and learn.

The events in our lives led to making our home in New Mexico for which we are grateful. Now is the right time and the right place. We are looking forward to it, and now we have grandchildren with whom we can share our harvests and our love of country living.

We are open to advice.........

Lessons from Grandma

My grandmother once told me that the older I got, the faster time would pass. Like everything else she told me, it is true. Days flew by, then weeks flew by, and now months fly by so quickly that it is dizzying.

As I had likely passed the mid-point of my life I had begun to bemoan the time that had come and gone so quickly, as though that time is lost forever. It is not that I fear death in my future. That is inevitable and I feel that I have come to terms with the fact that death comes to all mortal beings. Rather, it was that time seemed as though it was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, never to be recovered.

I have conversations with myself while driving. The issue was that I came to the realization that the passage of time was something I have no control over, and the thoughts I was having about it were distracting me from some of the joy in my life.

My grandmother, who never drank a drop of alcohol in her life, often recited the Serenity Prayer as she did housework. When I was a child I often wondered why she recited that prayer because I knew it was the prayer those who were battling alcoholism, recited during recovery and then throughout their lives. As an adult I have found that prayer a good reminder for many situations. Grandmother was right to recite the prayer and unknowingly show the value of it to me.

The acceptance of the lack of control over the passage of time, however, did little to make me feel better about it. My conversation with myself continued. If I can not change it, then how can I feel better about it? Then the thought came to me that if I can not do anything about the passage of time, I can choose how I view it or feel about it.

This is how I now view it and feel about it. As time passes I gain a variety of experiences, and I get to keep the memories of those experiences. Without the passage of time I could not have the experiences or the memories. They are gifts, small and large. They are moments and they are lifetimes.

More than before I treasure the moments and memories they give me. A smile or an expression of gratitude, holding our grandchildren, having dinner with my sons and their families, a hug, a pretty flower, a kiss from my husband, a funny joke with laughter, a breeze against my cheek, a beautiful song, a colorful sunset, and all that happens that is good and joyful.

My grandmother may be gone, but she still teaches me great lessons. Thank you, Grandma.